Dealing with other people's reactions is, if not the hardest part of all this, well, still pretty hard.
Because H and I live this every hour of every day, we are hardened to it now. And mostly everyone treats me normally. Sometimes when I meet people, especially for the first time, or at least the first time since diagnosis, I can see a little suppressed look of panic as to what to say to me. I don't blame them. I never knew what to say to people either. Mostly, I just want to talk about the football, everyday stuff, although I'm very open and matter of fact about my condition and am very happy to talk about that too.
And it's great seeing friends, just being normal. But sometimes, just occasionally, it's nice not to talk at all. Not to be the centre of attention, the subject of conversations and sympathy. Whenever I feel like this, I think of the Diogenes Club.
In "The Greek Interpreter", Sherlock Holmes describes this (fictional) club, where his brother often spends his time, as "the queerest [strangest] club in London", and as follows,
"There are many men in London, you know, who, some from shyness, some from misanthropy, have no wish for the company of their fellows...It is for the convenience of these that the Diogenes Club was started, and it now contains the most unsociable and unclubable men in town. No member is permitted to take the least notice of any other one. Save in the Stranger's Room, no talking is, under any circumstances, allowed, and three offences, if brought to the notice of the committee, render the talker liable to expulsion".
It sounds like heaven to me - not all the time, you understand, but maybe an afternoon a week. Ironically, I suspect they wouldn't have me, as you could be expelled not only for talking, but also for coughing.
Because H and I live this every hour of every day, we are hardened to it now. And mostly everyone treats me normally. Sometimes when I meet people, especially for the first time, or at least the first time since diagnosis, I can see a little suppressed look of panic as to what to say to me. I don't blame them. I never knew what to say to people either. Mostly, I just want to talk about the football, everyday stuff, although I'm very open and matter of fact about my condition and am very happy to talk about that too.
And it's great seeing friends, just being normal. But sometimes, just occasionally, it's nice not to talk at all. Not to be the centre of attention, the subject of conversations and sympathy. Whenever I feel like this, I think of the Diogenes Club.
In "The Greek Interpreter", Sherlock Holmes describes this (fictional) club, where his brother often spends his time, as "the queerest [strangest] club in London", and as follows,
"There are many men in London, you know, who, some from shyness, some from misanthropy, have no wish for the company of their fellows...It is for the convenience of these that the Diogenes Club was started, and it now contains the most unsociable and unclubable men in town. No member is permitted to take the least notice of any other one. Save in the Stranger's Room, no talking is, under any circumstances, allowed, and three offences, if brought to the notice of the committee, render the talker liable to expulsion".
It sounds like heaven to me - not all the time, you understand, but maybe an afternoon a week. Ironically, I suspect they wouldn't have me, as you could be expelled not only for talking, but also for coughing.
