After a full week, you are back to life. It's still tentative, your temperature is a constant watchpoint - chemo takes down your defences, and any spike has to be dealt with straight away, you can't just take a couple of paracetamol and sleep it off. You live with a thermometer in your ear.
Jo, from Macmillan, comes to see you. At first you don't know what to say, then you click with her, perk up - questions come tumbling, flooding out. As you talk, a thought comes - you haven't been making memory boxes or writing notes for people, or preparing for every eventuality - and subconsciously you knew this was the right approach. Consciously, it crystallises why - because not every waking moment has to be about this. It can't take over - there has to be time for life, not preparing for the worst, tying up loose ends.
Once every moment becomes about transition, cancer has won. There has to be time for watching a favourite old movie, seeing a mate, reading the paper, slumping on the sofa in front of Tipping Point.
All of this tumbles out, and Jo beams and says yes yes yes, you've got it. You don't need the affirmation, but her smile is warm and genuine, and for a second you know you are dealing with this thing inside you the right way, and then there is nothing more to say.
Jo, from Macmillan, comes to see you. At first you don't know what to say, then you click with her, perk up - questions come tumbling, flooding out. As you talk, a thought comes - you haven't been making memory boxes or writing notes for people, or preparing for every eventuality - and subconsciously you knew this was the right approach. Consciously, it crystallises why - because not every waking moment has to be about this. It can't take over - there has to be time for life, not preparing for the worst, tying up loose ends.
Once every moment becomes about transition, cancer has won. There has to be time for watching a favourite old movie, seeing a mate, reading the paper, slumping on the sofa in front of Tipping Point.
All of this tumbles out, and Jo beams and says yes yes yes, you've got it. You don't need the affirmation, but her smile is warm and genuine, and for a second you know you are dealing with this thing inside you the right way, and then there is nothing more to say.
