You get into a conversation with H about the future. She says - you have to have hope. You have to believe that there is a miracle cure out there for you. And you think, and say, no - that's just the wrong way to think about things. The medical advice has been clear. There are no miracles around the corner. It helps you to be realistic about this, to live your life knowing that time is limited - not short, maybe, but limited.
That's not to say that you're pessimistic. There are things to be optimistic about - there is, to use that horrible phrase - "quality time" left, plenty of life to be savoured and enjoyed. But there is no point in deluding yourself. This is a terminal illness. Fact, end of. You got unlucky, and grim as that may be, it's the way it is. Like John Cleese famously says in Clockwise - It's not the despair, I can take the despair - It's the hope I can't stand.
There are no Angels dancing on the head of a pin, magical crystals, or Red Indian spirit guides on your shoulder. It's all about realism, and learning to live rationally, free of delusions, and self deception. It's about not living in a fools paradise. It's about not wasting time.
That's not to say that you're pessimistic. There are things to be optimistic about - there is, to use that horrible phrase - "quality time" left, plenty of life to be savoured and enjoyed. But there is no point in deluding yourself. This is a terminal illness. Fact, end of. You got unlucky, and grim as that may be, it's the way it is. Like John Cleese famously says in Clockwise - It's not the despair, I can take the despair - It's the hope I can't stand.
There are no Angels dancing on the head of a pin, magical crystals, or Red Indian spirit guides on your shoulder. It's all about realism, and learning to live rationally, free of delusions, and self deception. It's about not living in a fools paradise. It's about not wasting time.
